A New Year

Last year was a blurr. I have never felt so alone family wise. I am very thankful that my mother and my favorite Aunt in the whole wide world still live in Texas. It seems that last year was one of the hardest years yet and still was a wonderful year. The family that I grew up with no longer exsists and that is hard. My father and I hardly spoke for most the year and when we did it seemed we were both hurt by one another. Being the person I am I do not have the ability to write people out of my life..... I just don't do that. I have only ever came close to being able too and that was many years ago and I am glad I did not write her off...she happens to have a big heart and just a few problems that she is tring hard to overcome. That being said... My brother who lives with me does not speak to my sister anymore. Why??? Your guess is as good as mine. It makes me sad...very sad. I never thought that anyone in our family would be at odds. My Dad and my brother don't speak either and that sucks. My best friend in the whole wide world got mad at me for some dumb things I said (or how I said them...still not sure) and ignored me for the longest. But I knew she would eventually get over it and speak to me again. Why??? Because we are sisters and we love eachother. We might not always see eye to eye but we are always together in heart. Your family is your family no matter what you do or say. This is something that will never change. Knowing this gives me hope for my siblings. I hope my brother comes around soon and befrieds the rest of his family. Last year also brought my sister to a new location....CUBA. I love that she loves it there but hate that she is there. We used to talk on the phone for litterally hours. She was in Virginia soon after my first baby was born. I waited for the day they got out of Virginia and moved to a new state (Not a fan of Virginia). Her time was up and she moved to CUBA....really? We are not even allowed to visit CUBA. To make matters worse my unlimited phone servise all over the US is pointless. We can't call CUBA. Now I only really need a phone 4 out of 8 days (my mom works 4 days on then 4 days off). Somehow over the last year I have packed on tons of weight. I have never been this heavy and I hate it. I know I am not a fat person but for me....I am too heavy. Soooo to break things down...My Dad lives in Louisianna, My sister lives in Cuba. My Brother lives here in Austin but does not talk to either. My Mom does live in Texas but she lives 5 1/2 hours away. My Aunt lives about the same distance as my mom. Soooo here I am. I am very happy to have the church family that I do. It is nice to talk to other adults from time to time. The only thing that is hard for me there is I am a sunday school teacher so I am with Kinder and 1st graders during the Sunday School. Other folks are attending classes of people there own age and making friends. I really don't want to quit teaching these kiddo's so I continue...year after year. On wednesday I teach more kids. I pretty much know every kid in our church.....the adults are a different story. Why??? I live in a differnt town than my church. I live way out of the way. There is no stopping by for coffee or play dates of kids my kids ages. I know this is me and not them. I should join a small group from my church but sometimes it is hard to attend due to my husbands hunting...fishing...golfing habbits. Sometimes I think about switching churches to one that is close but it makes me sad to think about it. I pray about where God wants me and every time I start to step away from the church God points me back to my church. hmmmm....life is confusing. I trust God and maybe this is his way of telling me Kids are my future. Who needs adult friends when all the kids love you so much. I hardly go into walmart without being spotted by one and getting a big hug. Kids are amazing and I know this first hand. It is hard to think I may never have another kid. My husband is still not on board with adoption. I don't really understand his thought process. I miss my Niece soo much. She lives in Ohio and we had a wonderful visit over the holidays but man it was hard to send her back. I know her life would be easier here with us in our home but God has plans for that one and I am not one to interfere with his will. She is a lovely girl and God is doing an amazing job raising her.
I do have soooo much to be thankful about. I am happy to report my children are healthy...happy...and fun little people. My Dad had open heart surgery and pulled through with flying colors. He is back to work and recovering nicely. While I do have several cronic illnesses none of them are debilitating and I am very thankful for that. My marriage is strong and healthy. My relationship with all of my family is well and intact (even if I say dumb things sometimes). The only debt we have is our house now. Yep...that is it....just the house. I don't ever want to be in debt again. My husband has an awesome job which allows me to stay home with my little boy and be here when my girl gets home from school. Facebook is one of my favorite outlets because I feel more connected to the ones I love even across the ocean. I am fortunate that my high school friends are on FB as well. I miss them so much and it is neat seeing them raise there family before my eyes. The only problem I see with facebook it that it will never replace a hug from one that you love. BUT....if you can't have a hug at least you can see the ones you love hugging others LOL. I have a huge extended family. After my parents devorced many years ago they both remarried. My mom married a man that shares my insane and sometime untackful humor....I don't think I could ever upset that man. I don't really know his children and thats ok. I don't think they want anymore siblings. My Dad married a woman who has a daughter that DOES want sisters so I am always open to the idea of having more sisters. Especialy sense mine is in CUBA. I do wish that my new sister lived in Texas and not Louisianna but hey...at least it is in the US.

Anyway...it is a new year...a new decade and maybe some of the issues will work them selves out this year...maybe not. Maybe I will lose some weight...maybe not. I started at the gym today with one of the ladies at chuch. My starting weight is 142....I would love to lose 20 pounds. Lets see!

I love you all and hope your year and this decade brings you closer to the ones you love, happier than you have ever been, and the picture of health. May God bless you all.